He never smiles

Every day is the same,

The monotonous muddiness of grey, cloudy skies threatening rain.

He never smiles

Pain a constant presence, unrelenting, constant companion, alcohol a fickle friend,

It, numbs and softens the edges but gets you in the end.

He never smiles

Lost hope, no life, the lighthouse has grown dark,

The sun has disappeared, the candle burnt out, no vestige of a spark.

He never smiles

He lies in bed cocooned in familiarity and safety,

Compares his life to Facebook, a twisted fallacy.

He never smiles

Anxiety twists and turns and chokes with the grip of a python and doesn’t let go,

It strikes with no mercy, brings worry, sickness, panic, makes him fear anything new and unknown.

He never smiles

He is trapped in the cold dark deepness of an ocean of despair,

A hollow shadow puppet, a ghost of my vibrant boy who once lived there.

He never smiles

So how can I?

T. Lapworth November 2021